Planning a wedding…

…without having a wedding date set.

There was something so freeing with disregarding the wedding industry’s insistence on a year engagement and stringent planning when we decided to wait to set a wedding (due to my fiancé needing to move first) and thus, wait to plan the wedding (can’t exactly book a venue without a date, and without the venue, who knows what colours will look good?) as well as only have a simple and small wedding. There was a lack of worry regarding it, and while I did wonder at times how we would do it, I was sure we’d be able to plan a wedding in a couple of weeks to a three months without any issues at all; this attitude impressed a lot of people with my flexibility. At first. That was in March and April. We were tentatively aiming for a mid-late August or early September wedding. It is now mid August, and my fiancé still doesn’t have a job and we still don’t have a wedding date set. I have finally lost my sense of flexibility and while it may still be freeing to buck society’s wedding standards concerning ornate planning and expense, it is mostly just frustrating to not have a wedding date in sight yet. We’re really tired of not being married and with no end to that officially in sight.

Small things have been planned or prepared; we decided against eloping, I finally went ahead and bought a dress and am having that altered currently, my fiancé and I both have our wedding party (one each) selected – although mine changed as my sister is now out of the country, and we both have our wedding bands purchased now. We’re just missing a venue, an officiant, and all the other numourous details that go into creating even a small simple wedding – wedding colours for if we want this wedding to look at all coordinated, flowers, suits and ties for the men (I now have a man-of-honour in my sister’s absence), inviting everyone on our tiny guest list, figuring out a wedding time, figuring out hair and make-up, finding a photographer on short notice, figuring out the day-of plan including a small family-only reception afterwards, as well as deciding when to have the other, larger receptions for all the friends and family we can’t have at a small wedding (especially when my family alone would put it at 50+ people).

I kept looking at some of the small details and I at least have an idea of some colours I like, what hair style I want, and an idea of some venues we should look at. And then I mentioned some of them to my fiancé today and he said something to the point of, “it really doesn’t matter so long as we end up married at the end of the day”. Ah. Right. Despite eschewing many of the traditional wedding stressors, I can still loose sight of the end goal and get caught up in all the little details that may or may not be important. Yes, I have a guy standing up for me, yes, suits may not match, yes, maybe I’ll end up having to do my hair myself (and wear glasses that may or may not match the wedding dress look), but so long as we are clothed, surrounded by family, and marrying each other, the little details such as those and what we have for lunch afterwards don’t matter. That we are getting married, that we are learning to grow together and support each other through this time of uncertainly (which will be mild compared to so many yet to come!), and that we enjoy ourselves at our wedding and have a love-filled ceremony…those are the things that really matter.

And really, we had already decided to keep food simple anyway. Maybe sandwiches made from meat and cheese platters… And I still think matching suits would be nice for the attendants…

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